Novels and films have always romanticized friendship,same as it has done with love. For me friendship is not like ” tere jaisa yaar kahan, kaha aaise yaraana”. No it’s not all the friends we see on social media like Facebook and twitter. It’s not all those who we meet in our different walks of life. It’s that one special or at most a very few special ones. Friendship is more of a Space than just a relationship. It’s a space for me to be myself in this world of pretense and hypocrisy. Its here that i can authentically express my true self with no fear of losing the person or getting misunderstood. I can be selfish, I can be manipulative , I can be whatever I am and yet get accepted. Like an unconditional acceptance. It’s a space to feel protected and taken care off no matter what comes in life. It’s also about taking complete responsibility and owning this relationship. It’s almost everything as in love except it’s logical ( and mostly tragical) end of getting married, and fortunately so.
When my career, my relationships, my marriage, my health, my finances, my life doesn’t seem to work…there is this one special person who stands by me and gives me the confidence that it will be All Right.
Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta Hai.., Tu Hai To, I’ ll Be All Right… AlittleBIGthing 🙂
“We didn’t allowed marriage to spoil our friendship” is the famous line of the famous duo Javed Ahktar and Shabana Azmi. Marriage has that potential to spoil friendship , to spoil love. As Natasha Badhwar writes “Marriage is an accident-prone adventure. It gets hijacked, kidnapped, derailed, distracted and exhausted. Marriage can become a pile of resentments.” The dynamics of marriage is not just about two people, it’s about two families and two cultures. More damagingly it’s about two egos. If its a structure to bring togetherness then that togetherness itself is a platform for over-exposure of each other. A stage to let expectations lead to frustrations. But being married doesn’t keep you away from LOVE, only if you could clearly distinguish it. Love is innocent and need nurturing. It needs hand holding till it can start walking. Especially at times when the legs are weak and floor is hard. Love is when you kiss on HER forehead when she is in deep sleep. Love is walking with her in one umbrella , laughing with her watching a movie . Love is fixing the cable connection so she doesn’t miss on her favorite TV serial. Marriage is not mandatory (actually not necessary) …love is.
a little big thing!!!
“Forgive and forget”, “Forgive but never forget”, “You are not punished for your anger, you are punished by your anger”, these and many such lines, quotes, proverbs, stories, articles we come across in our reading or while listening to other people. On reading them or listening to these things we usually appreciate and also agree how true these quotes are. Then what happens when the rubber meets the road, why that friction, blame-game, anger and hatred in our relationships cannot be dealt with using the same thinking which we already know (and have advised others many a times). “I” comes in the way and blocks our thinking. Most of the disputes in our relationships are because of some gap in communication and understanding. If there was no real love at all in a relationship there won’t have been that relationship in the first place. Then what is it I get by sticking to MY VIEW POINT?
I get: To be RIGHT, to teach a lesson to the other person, to make the other person realize how bad, cruel, inhuman or unbearable they are, to dominate…etc.
So if I get so much I should be happy and am I happy? (I may show superficially). At a deeper level I am just being “RIGHT”. And what does it cost me to be RIGHT?
It costs me: my peace of mind, contentment, satisfaction and happiness.
Now here is a choice point. At this point on realizing both what one gets and what it costs to get that what can be done? We can choose. (1)We can choose to be right and pay the cost; this may show you as someone who is strong and powerful. Or (2)we can choose to be vulnerable, authentic and expressive. Normally it’s not now that you know the person with whom you are in relationship, you know that person and qualities from before. You just want to change that person as you want (because you are always right). So choosing to accept the person as is and still not compromising on your self-expression you can opt choice (2) to bring life in any relationship. In simple words without digging into the details of arguments which is already happened, without checking who was right/wrong in that discussion/fight, just value the person and the relationship and seek forgiveness…say “I AM SORRY”…alittleBIGthing.
It takes a lot of Courage and lot of generosity to do so. And I know You can do it because I know “You are courageous, you are Generous”.
Thanks for reading.
Basic Human requirements somehow are same across. To love someone you may look for lovable traits in that person. But to accept, appreciate, acknowledge and validate people the requirement is just that they are human and alive. Yes to be validated is a very basic requirement of all human beings. When we validate someone we actually respect people for who they are. You may not agree with them, you may not like what they stand for but validation is neither approval nor surrender. Many discussions , conversations go completely off track just because we don’t validate the other person. Validation also ensures you don’t label, box and frame people. As a matter of fact this gives the other person a space to be whoever they want be and not what label we give them. Let me take this opportunity to validate YOU. Let me tell you that you are very very special and you are Awesome.It takes a lot of generosity for you to take your time to read this post and thus validate, acknowledge my effort to write this, thus motivating and encouraging me to write more. Thank You and you go validate some now 🙂 … trust me it gives tremendous happiness and yessss its a littleBIGthing 🙂
Please take some time to watch the below video of Hugh Newman’s on validation.
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
ye baadal aisaa TooT ke barse
mere dil ki tarah milne ko, tumhaara dil bhi tarse
tum niklo ghar se
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
tanhaai ho dil ho, booNde hoN barsaat ho aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
Lets go together out of this city into the fresh green lands where there is only you, me and these rains. Lets get lost in to the heavy showers. Lets get washed again, lets start fresh again. Lets be wet again ,lets take shade again. Below that shade lets have kanda bhaji and hot tea. Lets sit together listening to gazals. Lets take lift again. Lets put vicks again. Lets sing song again, do rain dance again. Lets eat paan again , lose our caps again. When it rains lets get wet again. When it rains lets just meet again.
When it rains …a littleBIGthing !!!